Friday, December 05, 2008

Pity Party
I've reached a point in this process where the thoughts are running thru my head faster than I can focus on them!
I'm feeling guilty becuz I bought a new TV in Sept with my bonus (largest $ I've ever received) and then pissed becuz I'm still working. Then I'm scared! And the sheer terror of the future is giving me a rotten headache.
I wonder if the old adage -be careful what you wish for- applies here. I said out loud that I wish I could retire (context being a conversation about winning the lottery).
I haven't told Penny yet. Her surgery yesterday went well, but I wasn't ready to drop this in her lap before the surgery as she is the world's champion worrywart. She called this morning to see if I wanted to go out to dinner tonite, and I snapped NO at her. She must still be foggy from the drugs cuz she didn't ask why. Which makes me feel like a crud.
Standing in front of my closet this morning, I was thinking about the 2 sweaters I have in the works for me. If I'm not working, where will I wear them?
I can't muster up the enthusiasm for working for someone who thinks I'm dispensable, but I have another 6 working days of trying to sound cheerful when I answer the phone-so hard not to give in to bad attitude.
I'm feeling sorry for myself becuz I try to be a good person. I'm sorry I haven't bought more yarn and books.
God, I'm a mess!

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