Monday, April 26, 2010

I hope he knew

how much I loved him.
I met Peter (Penguin) at an Indy car race at Monterey about 15 years ago.  At that time I lived in So Cal and had no idea how important to my life he would become.  We saw each other at the occasional race over the next few years because of mutual friends.  When I finally moved north about 10 years ago, he opened his heart and his home and his friends to me.  He was always there if I needed to move my whole house or just a big pot in the yard.
He drank and smoked too much, but he didn't have a mean bone in his body.  In fact, he really didn't know how to say no to anyone.  He took great pride in his beautiful yard.  Was always puttering and planting, mowing and weeding.  Putting in a walkway or building a gate. And Christmas!  OMG, at Christmas, he did love his lights!  The house had more lights than an airport landing strip.
He started getting sick a couple of years ago.  They tested & tested.  Couldn't find anything wrong, but managed to puncture his bowel doing a colonoscopy. It has been all downhill from there.  He never really recovered from that and then was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer not all that long ago.
I regret we didn't make the Giants game or the Reba concert that we always talked about. I regret that I didn't make the effort to spend more time with him this last few months.  I talked to him on the phone, but that is not the same as sitting in the back yard sharing a beer.
And I'm angry that a disease like cancer can take such a good person from his friends and family and leave perverts walking the streets. It's not fair and I don't like it.
Peter's leaving this world has left a huge hole in my heart.


Bianca said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Peter was a great person, and changed many lives for the better.

River Glorious said...

Dear Cay,

Hindy told me about this post. I am so sorry about your loss, your grief. He was a special friend to you, was he not? I pray that the comfort of the Lord be with you and with his family in this time.

(sad with you)


Anonymous said...

Cay, my condolences to you and to his family on the loss of your friend. Having lost friends and family to cancer myself, I feel the same anger you do at it. Don't feel bad about what you "should" have done; I'm sure he wouldn't want you to hurt that way.

cay said...

Thank you all for your support. He was not the first of my friends that I expected to lose. He was only 58 and quite active until the last few months. He never gave up. Even tho he was told he was terminal, he went thru the radiation and chemo therapy on the chance it might help him.